Today is the first Lazy Day in Hama village. We can do whatever we want, except Huong Cong and macrobiotic *cry a river*.
After breakfast, Ms Hang suggested that we should go to collect wood. So, I went with Sean, Luis and Helen. We worked hard although today is a Lazy Day *sigh*. When I finished my work, I saw Oliver and Victoria were taking care of plants from far away. And, I decided (to cross over grasses and bushes) to come with them by the way across grass and bushes. I felt like I was a brave warrior with a strong heart and I tried my best to come with my comrades.. muahahaha.
At 9:00 am, I read books and told Victoria about the basics of drawing. I hope it’s useful for her. Maybe, I will call her to draw with me on the next Lazy Day.
At 2:00 pm, Nancy called me to walk around with her. She held my hand like I was a child. It was great. Because my hand was too cold and her hand is always warmer than mine. We sat on the hillside, in the center of many purple flowers. They’re just flowers of weed but I thought they were really beautiful. We talked a lot about love and family, like other girls usually do.. haha.
When I heard her story and I told her my story, I wondered why we become hurt when somebody comes and goes. Why don’t we let that shit go easily? Why don’t we sing, dance, hug and cry when we feel sad? Next time, I will sing out loud and jump like an elephant, then, I will hug and give somebody a peck just because I love them. (I have never done that before)
When we returned too late, James seemed not to be having fun. Maybe, he thought I stole his girlfriend haha (although, the truth is the opposite). I felt so guilty because he didn’t want to play football which is his favorite hobby. And, he also made me feel that he was a little boy – a sulky little boy. Anyway, we still enjoyed a great game under the beautiful sky without James. Poor James! I was sure that James really wanted to play with us. Next time, I will let him score 1 goal for an apologize :v :v
Since Sam came here, we have more music. It’s very cool! Because I am bored if I can not listen music out loud. I love every moment when melodies fill the air around me. If Sam’s interested in Vietnamese music, I would like to give him a list. Furthermore, Sam also taught me a lot of effective lessons. Thank you so much, Sam!
Today is the first day of the new year, but I’m still old.. haha. Sometimes I love everyone, sometimes I hate everyone. I still think this is fine =]].
Sam already left here. He’s going to Da Lat. He’s a mischievous monkey and I miss him a little bit because we don’t have enough people to play football this evening haha.
Sam left behind homework for us. This homework wasn’t difficult, but when I began to do it I didn’t feel good. I didn’t know why. Oh come on, I said that again. That’s a lie. I known why, I just didn’t want to admit.
His homework asked me to talk about my past, present and future. My past is a rather weird story with someone, so I’m afraid that “someone” doesn’t want to listen to my story, I also don’t want to guess what they would think about me because I don’t want to doubt anyone anymore. I just want to trust, love and protect my people.
Last night, we had a party with hot pot, chicken, cakes, beer, wine and music. It was a sweet time. We cooked, ate and laughed together. I missed Lunar, I thought they also missed her like me. Everyone drank beer and I drank wine (because I don’t like the taste of beer). I just drank a half of cup, but I felt something was different. I saw the people more clearly with light and stars around them. I felt warm and light. I just wanted to hug and hold someone in that moment. I leant on Nancy’s back, but James didn’t like it. So, I just sat alone and saw the light of the town from far away. I felt sad – a beautiful sadness..
I remembered some quotes, and the first appeared in my mind is: “Gâu gâu gâu, gâu gâu gâu gâu gâu.” – said by the dog. The second one is:”You don’t need a reason for doing everything in your life. Do it because you want to. Because it’ FUN. Because it makes you HAPPY.” The third is… I forgot :D.
Finally, I brought my beautiful sadness to bed. Before I closed my eyes, I hope this year will be awesome like me.
ZZZ HAPPY NEW YEAR! ZZZ
Today is my first love’s birthday. “xxxx”, my love of 12 years, from when I was 7 till I was 18. I remember but I do nothing because I feel nothing. I had my ‘stupid boyfriend’ and a lot of dogs, brothers, sisters, etc…
I’m sitting on the hillside. The opposite is a row of moutain. Many grey clouds cover over there, I think it’s starting to rain. I feel cold but I don’t want to come back any time soon. I’m listening to some beautiful songs by Le Cat Trong Ly. The song named “Bình Minh” is really touching my heart. So many things I can’t express, but it’s not a big problem. My big problem is keeping my deep sadness. I don’t want to let it go, I want to hold it for myself, forever.
Yayyy, I was right. It’s raining on the row of moutains. But I sit here without any raindrop. I was still dry, not wet as a mouse… muahahaha
I already drew a bucket in my notebook. Do you know what I want to do? Yup, I’m waiting for the rain. If the rain come here, I will wear my bucket or contain water to take a shower right here, like a fairy – a chubby fairy.
What time is it? I look at my coconut leaf watch, but I don’t see any numbers, maybe this watch works by audio or bluetooth or some mystical power from another planet. I like it, so I decide to wear it until the end of its life.
I’m hearing birds’s voices, the wind’s voice and my voice deep inside, too. You know, I just want to see someone right now, I will smile with them (with or from) all my kindness. I’m sure I can tell them anything. But, I know nobody here; except me, some little ants and some unknown animals try to hide from me.
I imagine a case that a huge snake suddenly appears. She whispers by a raucous voice:”I’m so hungry… I think you’re fucking delicious.”. I answer to her, “Wait, I have 14 friends in that house *I point at Hama house*.” She ask me:”Are you scared of me?”. I say “Of course, bitch!”. Suddenly, she open her mouth to show me her dangerous teeth. Okay, please tell me what the fuck I’m seeing? Whole grain rice still stuck in her teeth K. “Are you kidding me, grandmother?”. I keep a straight face and she’s ashamed because I already known she’s a vegan, she just want to be more dangerous, more cruel like her species… So, happy ending for me, for her and my friends!
It’s too late. I think I should come back home. Maybe, the meal is ready =]]
21 years ago, my parents had a daughter.
My mother told me that she was born in a very very lucky way. The doctor had to operate on my mom to take her out. If he was late just 1 minute, she was not exist. Because of that, my mom couldn’t have any more any children.
My parents’s daughter had a chilhood which was as beautiful as a dream. She laughed everyday, her eyes always twinkled with fun and interest. She grown up with rivers and fields. Her soul was as large as a field and her mind was as cool as a river. Childhood is the best memory she had until now. She told me that she doesn’t fear dying, she just fears of loses her memories. It’s the most terrible nightmare of nightmares.
When she was a child. She wanted to become an author, an actor, a lawyer or whatever she discovered in that age. She told everyone she knew about her dreams, except one. It was being a great soldier in the navy. It was her true dream, because she really loved her and her peoples country, our hometown, our sky and especially, our sea. But, you know, being a soldier in the navy is very hard for a girl like her. So, she kept it as her deep secret… Hm, when I write down these things for her, I just want to cry. I don’t know why. Maybe, because I understand what she felt.
When she turned 13, her parents divorced. Her father went to America, her mother traveled around, her brother went to party every day, so her house had only her breaths – deep and lonely breaths. When no one was at home, she had to eat with her aunt’s family, but her aunt hated her father and her aunt used to talk unacceptable things about her family. She knew, her father wasn’t a good father, he wasn’t a good husband either, but he was still a true man – a man who always tried his best to make his dreams come true. She admired that. So, she decided to eat alone in her house. Unluckily, before she decided, she fogot that she didn’t have money. Anyway, she still kept her choice because she knew she could live with nobody. Because she is a daughter of my parents.
When she was at home alone with no money, no family, she still had her ways. She knew how to catch fishes, crabs, frogs and some kind of animals that live in water. She also knew how to cook. So, she went to school in the morning and went to fields or rivers in the afternoon. But, some days had heavy rain, she couldn’t catch fish, so she had to catch some things instead, sometimes chicken, sometimes duck, of course, chicken and duck were her neighbors’s =]]. She told me that she could live in that time only by instinct. After that time, she never thought she was a good girl anymore. She was a killer, her hands were dyed by blood of many animals. Buddha, please forgive her, if you don’t, she also doesn’t fucking care. But I care. So, forgive me hihi.
She became a quiet and cold girl. She didn’t trust anyone, she always thought they would betray her in someways.She didn’t know how to feel the fear and the happiness either. She didn’t have any emotion about anything. But the big problem was she didn’t realize that. So, when she went to highschool, she had to practice how to show natural feelings like fun, happy, surprise,… on her face to communicate with new people. It was so weird.
When she was older, she had some good friends, went to some places, met some kind people, read some nice books. That helped her so much to be more positive. She tried to love and trust people again. It was good news. I’m very happy for her.
I’m proud of her because she was brave, she knew what she wanted to do although maybe, it was not normal. She was hurt then she healed herself and she wanted to be a healer for someone who needs her at sometime. Because of that wish, now I want to learn about Art Therapy. It’s my next goal, for her, for me, for people I want to help.
She is my past, but also my present. She wanted to be an author, so do I. She wanted to love and trust people, so do I. I think I could do whatever she used to want to do, except one. I just keep her bravery and use her experience to be better.
I don’t know when I must return to my planet. But, I really love the Earth. Being born in the Earth is my big pleasure. I hope I can bring to the Earth so many beautiful things by all of my ability. Truthfully, I don’t know exactly what I want to become. Artist? Author? Headmaster? No, it’s just some ways to bring out my wishes. And, I know I’m so young to do that, I need to go more, learn more to open my mind. I’m trying.
I don’t need to be rich or famous. I want to be happy, I want to laugh everyday I live, I want to feel high, excited, surprised or whatever I couldn’t feel before.
So, one of ten things in my “Before I die…” list is “Know 3 secrets which can make the world will be staggered.” I’m very excited about that. It’s my motivation.
I’m going to publish my first book next year. Maybe, that book is collection of poems or a childrens book. I will write, draw and design by myself. I want this book full of my name in every position as writer, illustrator, designer, layout,… haha. I don’t like drawing so much, but I studied drawing for 2 years just for my books. Some people told me it’s impossible, but who fucking cares? I’m playing with so much fun. That’s my life!